Of Razors and Blades
by plsfukoffnow
Summary: this is a joke please be aware that it is a joke it's a crackfic between gamzee x dave x equius x eridan i'm sorry.


Gamzee was sitting in his hive bakin some nice pies, Wondering what it would like to be in the presence of a sweaty highblood. Equius kicked down the door with one STRONG kick, walking in with his firm, sweaty muscular legs. He laid one large yaoi hand on Gamzee's shoulder. "D- Highb100d, I must speak with you"Gamzee turns around startled, he says "yEs EqUiUS?" Gamzee asks. Equius stared deep into Gamzees eyes. "D - Im pregnant.". Gamzee gasped with a small honk, Blushing furiously. "CaN I fEeL YoUr TuMmY My HiGhBrO?". Equius gave a STRONG nod, a nod so strong it sent a chair flying out the hive's window. He lifted his shirt with his STRONG sweaty muscular arms, exposing his stomach to the highblood. Gamzee says "But I also have a confession... I Really like it when i get to rub my firm sweaty hands over your muscles..." Gamzee explains. Equius gasped and blushed so STRONG that the animes couldn't handle. "D - Do you really...?" He asked. The highblood made a soft honk, And puts his hands over Equius's tummy, Nodding slowly "Y-YeS...". Equius lifted his head with the swiftness of a horse, he gazed out the window. Little did Gamzee know, since this baby was not his. It was the child of someone on an entirely different planet, Dave Strider. How this happened, nobody fucking knows. Suddenly, Dave Strider appears. "equius how could you, i thought your succulent horse mane-like hair belonged to be, and no one else." Gamzee gasps. He starts doing the anime crying blushu. "eQuIuS... WhY... HoW CoUlD YoU Do ThIs To Me..." Equius was startled by Dave Striders appearance. "D - Dave Strider, we need a lie detector test because I think youre lying." "D - I also am so sorry Gamzee, please forgive my whinnies and neighs." Gamzee starts holding his head in sadness, He wasn't sure what to do about the sudden appearance of the human, He loved Equius, But he wasn't sure about the highblood's feelings, Or the human's. "i-I DoN't UnDeRsTaNd". Equius realized that he was, indeed, in quite a bit of trouble now. Dave Strider was laying seductively on the counter, while Gamzee was laying on the floor unresponsive and crying. It was his time to flee. Transforming into a majestic blue horse, he reared and galloped out the window the chair had flown through. He was a free stallion, and he was going to shield his foal from trouble. Although trouble always follows. As Equius galloped away, Dave strider remained seductively on the counter, while staring into gamzee's beautiful colorless eyes, wearing a red bedazzled g-string. Dave says "Gamzee, that was just a trick to get him away... now we're all alone now.." "LoVe, WaIt FoR mE" Gamzee screamed to get away from Dave as he bursted out the window. Internal conflict raged within Gamzee, particularly within his huge, purple boner. He loved Equius, and yet... Seeing Dave on that counter... His mouth salivated purple. Perhaps... He could woo them both? As dave layed alone on the floor, Seeing Gamzee's troll ass fly out the window made him seek more, More than just the clown, More than just the horse.. How about both? He quickly followed both of them out the window. Equius trotted along the beach, his long silky black horse hair fluttering in the breeze. He was meant to be here, on the beach, as a horse. His muscles remained post transformation, he glistened with sweat as he stood on the shore. Gamzee and Dave were soon to come after him, or eachother, either way he planned to watch. His two true loves. They approached. Gamzee, stands there blushing... he feels like a huge player right now. i really wants to eat a meat bra off of dave, which he is wearing right now along with a bedazzled G-string... and that's hot.. but he also wants equius's succulent horse mane hair. Gamzee cannot decide... Dave and Gamzee walk up to Equius on the beach, like the Bachelors. He asks... "Equius.. please choose your one ain true love.. If you choose dave, I get it.. but if you choose me... ill be eternally grateful." Gamzee is being 95% truthful. He lied about the Dave part. Equius turned to Gamzee, and then back to Dave. He knew who he was going to pick..."Both of you," he said, in his deep, rumbling vocals, like water running through a young stallion's ass muscles. "I choose both of you." He pulled both close and clenched his ass cheeks as he drew them into a three-way kiss. Dave was slightly surprised. He hadn't seen this coming, but yet he knew that deep down…he wanted this as well. "I'm fine with this." said Dave. Gamzee pationately kissed the both of them, a sign of his agreeing. They were finally together, in love. They all hopped on Equius' back and galloped away. in the distance watched a now horrified troll, in the water, she was only going for an innocent swim but this was now going to scar her, she watched the 3 ride away, and she guiltily wanted to join too, but know that she never could, Gamzee and Dave poured white and red paint all over themselves, And layed ontop of eachother while riding equius, They were sushi. Happy, Loving sushi. Equius then ripped out of his horse form, transforming into his handsome Squidward-esque appearance. He peeled himself off of the others, and gazed down upon them. They were a happy family. Dave rubs his meat tits against Equius's stomach... Dave says "Equius,... I've got the meat sweats" Dave blushes furiously at this confession. "Equius.. I LOVE YOU." The )(IC flies out before them. She stops. "yo you beaches just traumatized me and now your asses gon' get culled tonight" Equius stops... He couldn't bare to see the loves of his life die at the hands of the condescension. He had to do something. Equius looks at )(IC and rips off his clothes, revealing all of his STRONG ABS. He flew at )(IC and did a STRONG punch. )(IC was immediately turned on by this. She blushed hard, her anaconda glistening in the moonslight. Dave could tell, and bellydanced up to her in his meatbra and g-string. Gamzee was turned on by his brave lover. Equius was raging, full of jealousy. However he did not show it. For he was afraid of losing the loves of his horse-troll life. Dave seductively danced all over the black-haired batterwitch, herself extremely turned on. She wanted to see more of this. More of Dave, Gamzee, and Equius. She was in love with the three, and wanted to be with them. in the distance stood 2 trolls, 2 girl trolls of the midblood caste, they had experienced all of this and looked at the group to eachother, one a small cat troll and one a taller troll of fashion, they had experienced the strangest thing on probably all of alternia and started to talk quietly, agreeing to run away together and find a new life, and to get rid of all of this, they did a thing and became one, a new troll of both combined and ran away from this monstrosity of a fanfic, and became a new universe together, ebing the gayest motherfuckers together, honestly no one knows what the fuck this is becoming anymore. The condy was ready for this, She started to dance the dance of the truthful hips around the three trolls, In an attempt to make them accept your undying love for them, While Gamzee and Equius crawled into Condy's hair and begun to climb onto of her horns. Equius stared at at the fuschiablood, her hips didn't lie. This was arousing, he gripped her horns so strongly they snapped off. Cockblocked by muscles. HIC couldn't take it anymore... She grabbed all 3 ir them and kissed them passionately. Within this passionate embrace, Equius's feelings of jealousy melted away. He could tell, she really loved them all, and they all loved her... He knew he truely loved them all, and would protect them to the end. His hair, nearly as long as )(IC's now, blew in the wind as fiercely as his newfound love for these three. His ass throbbed with love, nearly bursting a blood vessel, and somewhere in the universe, at least one hundred horses were produced from all this energy. It was now a month or two later, the four living together happily and in love. They couldn't be happier. But little did they know, there was a certain troll lady who wanted to get in-between the four. For she wanted a certain human who happened to be in that relationship, and she wanted him bad. She would do anything to get them. Even if it meant ridding of the others…For this lady, This lady was a lady like no other... The beautiful plaid skirt, The wonderful violet stroke in her hair.. She, Erissa, Was going to get Dave's hot ass. No matter what she had to do. Erissa approached the house, her hair fluttering in the light breeze. Her breasts moved with every single movement, threatening to bounce off and straight into a shitty anime. She raised one gray hand to knock on the door, waiting for a response. Gamzee was the one to open the door. "wwhere the glub is dave, i fuckin wwant his anaconda" Gamzee answers. "We'll never give you dave!" Gamzee stabs Erissa. He wants dave to himself and Equius only. Gamzee stops and realizes what he has done. He goes to cry into daves meat tits, while Dave and Equius comforting him. Condy uses her body to power her ship. She uses the ship to fly away. They soon completely ignored what just happened, instead choosing to look out romantically at the stars, when suddenly, there was loud knocking at the ship's escape hatch. It was society. Or at least, the embodiment of society. Society did not approve of what they had, and demanded them to stop immediately or bad things would happen. The four refused, and shoved society away, not knowing that society would get its revenge later on. The least they were expecting happened, Gamzee suddenly put a finger to the top of his forehead, And grabbed a small zipper that was on his forehead. Pulling down a suit, Who was inside?... It was Erissa, She was truly the one who stabbed gamzee, She got ready to stab more people... For she was the crazed butt-stabber. Erissa slid the suit off, eying her shocked companions. "wwhat did you fuckin expect, some glubbin clowwn?" She firmly grasped the wall, posing. Her ass, was non-existant. Dave gasps... "YES!" He stabs Erissa again... Then he yells.. "BUTTER UP MY POOPER." He soon then saws her hair off with his ass razors and nipple blades. "GAMZEE WAS THE ONE I LOVED, GAMZEE I TELL YOU!" Dave exclaims. As Erissa bleeds out on the floor, Equius weeped in a corner, realizing his love was truely lost forever. Dave went over to console him, when suddenly... From Erissa's blood, rose a figure- Tall, muscular, handsome, and with an incredible jawline, it is Gamzee, only infused with the incredible giant bouncing boobs of Erissa. "That bitch doesn't deserve a single piece of your ass, Dave," he said, his newly found boobs jiggling with each word. As Gamzee shot up wearing his new sailor moon outfit and bouncing bubble breasts, He strutted over to dave and passionately kissed him, Rubbing his mmm booblets all over him, With condy and Equius staring with awe. As this heartwarming moment ensued, something was afoot. The closet door rattled and shook violently. A group of skeletons with ridiculous hats burst out and started dancing. The skeletons danced and danced. Then suddenly a GHOST came in and shit and everything suddenly got all spooky and shit and then another ghost came in and then there was a massive spooky dance party or something and then the credits rolled the end.


End file.
